i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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