if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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