this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
