She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
