Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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