i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
