either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
