Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
