She said her name was "party"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
