I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
