D3 body, D1 cock
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
