so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
whose parrot is this?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
