apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
