it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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