$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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