Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
