I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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