Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
