fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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