she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
