I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
