sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
