we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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