I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
