I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
