i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
