I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
