The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
