I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
