I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
