I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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