I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
