OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
