he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
