Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
