I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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