we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
