Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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