rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
