my phone needs a breathalizer
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
