i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
