My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
