I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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