3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just cropdusted the office
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
