I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You pole danced in your parka.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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