I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
