can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
