I feel great
I just peed on a car
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You can't just leave with hair like that
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am available for nakedness
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
