fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
