Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
