you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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