Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
