Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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