im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
